~  One of the impressions I had in Chiang Mai (and which I also felt in Siem Reap and Hanoi) is a sense of ease about the place.  Yes, it’s a developing country and in parts, people are about as poor as they come but there is an openness in the faces and stature of the people that I deeply admire.   They do not seem, as is sometimes the case in Singapore and elsewhere in Asia, to be putting on airs or trying to be something they are not.  There is, to me, a lack of self-consciousness, a comfort in their own skin, which results in a willingness to engage and be engaged.  Maybe this is summed up in the beautiful gesture people make to one another with their heads bowed toward their hands in prayer postition.  Namaste:  ”the peace within me acknowledges the peace within you.”  This is one of the many reasons I love Thailand.

~  When we arrived at the elephant conservation center where we would spend two days learning how to ride on elephants, mahout-style, Bobby and I realized that this was the same place we had come 7 years ago when I was preggers with Saylor.  I remember that back then, I had been envious of the tourists who got to stay overnight there and help take care of the elephants.  And now, here we were, taking our two children, to do just that!

~  I came away from the two days of training with the conviction that human beings don’t belong on such majestic beasts.  Don’t get me wrong.  I loved being near them and touching them; looking my elephant in the eye and “communicating” with her was a true honor.  But I had the urge to just behold rather than bark orders at her (which is, as we soon learned, what being a mahout is all about).  Grabbing hold of her ear and climbing up her leg which she bent on the command “Soong!” was no doubt a supreme privilege but somehow did not feel right…and not only because of my awkwardness in getting up there.  I had the distinct sense that at any moment of her choosing, she could waste me; flick me onto the ground like a pesky tick and grind me beneath her  foot.  Mind you, I had the most gentle elephant of the group.  Her name, Tantawan, means “Sunflower” in English.

~”Tantawan likes to talk” my mahout said one morning when she was being particularly vocal.  She wasn’t like Caden’s elephant who trumpeted quite frequently, especially when she didn’t want to do something the mahout was telling her to do or when she had found an extra tasty bush to uproot.  Tantawan communicated in the way that all elephants do:  through deep seismic rumblings .  Hearing and feeling the sonic vibrations from deep within her while I was astride her neck was an experience I will never forget.  I felt the same sense of awe-struck humility I felt when I saw a giraffe at a walk-through wildlife park in Kenya, some 20 years ago.  She had startled from her spot next to a tall tree, perhaps by our voices, and galumphed past us in that awkward yet fluid and elegant way giraffes run,  close enough that we could feel the ground vibrating like a train going by, leaving us agog and profoundly affected for life.  There is something about close encounters with wild animals that wakes you up and makes you realize how small you are and just how deeply and inextricably connected we all are.

~  And lastly, since I was still pretty darn sick the whole time we were there, I found myself seeking out healing foods. It was sort of like deja vu since last time I was in Thailand, I was trying to find foods that didn’t  turn my pregnant stomach.  Luckily for me, both times, Thai food came to the rescue.  It was just the right blend of spices I was craving 7 years ago and  on this trip, I became a Believer in Tom Yam soup (aka my Savior).  With its knuckle-sized hunks of ginger, kaffir lime leaves, chillies and all manner of other yummylish spices, it certainly hit the spot, opened the pores and unclogged the pipes.  And just like last time, I left Thailand feeling quite a bit healthier than when I arrived.

the gorgeous Tantawan

view from an elephant

wise eyes

On Friday I ran, or rather, slogged through my usual 7 mile loop feeling out of breath and slow the whole way.  It  made me realize though that this is what keeps running interesting.  It’s not like you start out running and you just get better, faster and can run for longer with each additional run you do.  Hah!  How boring would that be (okay, it might be nice for a while…but surely we’d get bored eVENTually?!).  Instead, every day is a new experience it seems…even when you’re running on the same path.  One day you’ll feel like there is a Mac truck pushing against you, resisting you at every turn, making the run seem endless and almost impossible.  The next day you’re invincible and your feet fly out from under you kicking the ground up and practically creating sparks in their wake.  After being a runner for more than 18 years, I have come to understand that it’s a game of chance.  There are, of course, the variables that you can control:  diet, rest, shoes, hydration etc. but almost always, running is about letting the unknown elements, the energy, the physical, emotional, and spiritual landscape determine what kind of run it’s going to be.  On Friday, I felt like I was being tested.  Like I had to respond in some way to the heaviness of the run.  I decided to just accept it and embrace the experience (not particularly pleasant though it was), allowing it to seep into my muscles, my cells so that they remember how to keep going, albeit slow and steady, next time it happens.  Today, was different in almost every way.  I was able to  run 11 miles with relative ease, no breathing problems, no heaviness and instead even notice and document (I took my camera) beauty along the way.  Then when I got home, I took back the reins and iced my hamstrings.

I have had an incredible day stacked atop a really good week and I am full to overflowing with gratitude and love for my fellow human beings at the moment.  This might not last long (and let’s face it, the 2 kir royales I just had tonight might have something to do with my rose-tinted glasses), so I’m sorta relishing in this ooey gooey happiness.   Nevertheless, it’s late and I need to get to bed if I’m to function half-way properly tomorrow.  So for now, here is a quick list of the things that have brightened my day and made me grateful and excited to be the 40 year old woman I now am:

1.  finding out that I had raised enough to support 1 Congolese woman for 1 year (through fb) right in time for my b’day.  Such an excellent start to my next year on this planet.

2.  receiving hand-made cards, snuggles and breakfast in bed from the fam this morning.

3.  running fast this week

4.  my friend Dee treating me to a decadent half-day at the spa, where many substances from mud to fragrant oils were smeared over my skin.  Thinking about women from my mother’s generation who never had a massage in their life, then thinking about the women of Congo, many of whom have never been touched by a benevolent hand in their lives.

5.  lots of small gatherings of friends.

6.  karaoke & art.  Such a good combo.

7.  observing the resilience of my 4o year old body as it took a 180° turn away from what looked like a sure slide into a bad cold a couple of days ago and almost instantly felt better than ever.

8.  the anticipation of many new adventures in the months ahead all of which I look forward to detailing here!

But for now, sleep is needed.

Lala salama!

offering for the lion

lion "eating" and scattering orange peel blessings

This year, we spent time celebrating with friends instead and doing a spot of organizing in the Chinese New Year spirit of cleaning and cleansing.  I went for a plodding run the morning after a BBQ that involved one too many glasses of champagne with guava juice (first time I’ve tried that combo and it was very much to my liking, I’m afraid!)  Then this morning, I took a newby runner friend around the 11.5K MacRitchie  trail.  It was an especially sticky morning but overcast and as we trotted along the final 2.7Kms of boardwalk above the reservoir water, we were graced with the semblance of a cool breeze.  Lately, when I’ve been running and having a hard time, I’ve talked myself out of the accompanying gloomy, self-doubting mood by thinking about the women I will be running for (www.runforCongowomen.org).  The depth of their suffering immediately eclipses any of my own sensations of pain, weariness, or what-have-you.  I am constantly amazed at what the body can endure but what the mind can do, of course, trumps the body any day.

I also have been noticing a lot of interesting psychic connections that seem to be sparking between me and my friends and family.  I’ll be thinking about somebody I haven’t heard from in a long time and an email will arrive from them out of the blue.  Yesterday I was worried about a close friend who had mentioned she might have to go back to live in Australia in the new year.  I haven’t seen her since well before Christmas.  I wondered if she was even still here and resolved to text her to find out.  Then, as I rounded the corridor corner after picking the kids up at school, there she was, right in front of me.  When I told her that I have a proposal that might interest her and before I had even told her what my idea was , she started rubbing her forearms saying “I’m getting goosebumps…this is going to be good, isn’t it?”   I’m loving these kinds of serendipitous meetings and connections.  I’ve told another couple of friends since about wanting to organize an all women run to benefit Congolese women here in Singers and the response has been typical of my girlfriends:  overwhelmingly supportive and enthusiastic.  I already have 5 runners (not counting Lisa & I) who will permanently and positively change the lives of at least 5 women in the Congo.  I’d say that’s a pretty good start!!

Well, that’s as far as I got with this post but now that it’s Monday of a new week, it seems obvious to me that the stuff I write about from here on out is going to be a product of and metamorphose from the Virtue Project.  Last week, I was really starting to question what I am doing with my life as I planned my 40th birthday trip to Sri Lanka.  I became quite down in the dumps about it too (about my seeming lack of purpose, not the trip…although that has been put on hold to perhaps April).  But on Thursday night, I read Nicholas Kristof’s article about a woman from Portland, Oregon who was so moved by the plight of women in the Congo, that she ran a solo endurance run to raise money for them.  She then wrote to some of the women there and continued to raise money to sponsor several women through Women for Women International.  It was a very inspiring article and put into context some of the thoughts I have had swirling around my brain for a long time now.  At a talk (no, it wasn’t a motivational seminar…although it ended up being pretty motivational) Bobby and I attended only 2 days before I read the Kristof article, one of the speakers mentioned that increasing one’s happiness is about “experiencing flow” (wherein you feel completely absorbed in a positive way with what you are doing).  By building this feeling into key arenas in life (work, play, raising children), we can boost our happiness.  He also pointed out that if this activity has a positive effect on others, according to recent studies, one’s longitudinal wellbeing will be increased tenfold.  I had been thinking about these issues in terms of how I could do something worthwhile here in Singapore, when, I have always had an unanswered yearning to do something of importance with and for women in Africa.  This goes way back.  I have a clear memory of being perhaps 5 or 6 and watching a television show documenting a famine in Africa.  By the end of the broadcast, I was crying inconsolably and told my family that I wanted to go there.  I don’t remember their reaction to my announcement but I remember feeling quite confused by this new overwhelming emotion which, I guess, was my first real encounter with compassion.  Fifteen years later,  when I told my parents that I wanted to study abroad in Kenya (not so much out of compassion as an intense interest in the Continent), they were not surprised (although were clearly bewildered as to where this urge came from — nobody else in the family had ever been to Africa, or wanted to, as far as I know).  In 1990, I lived there for a year, attended the University of Nairobi and took classes in African literature, African ethics, anthropology and sociology.  But just as educational (likely more so), was all the traveling I did, mostly with my friend Erin, mostly on local transportation, often in the back of trucks, buses stuffed with mamas, watoto, livestock and food for market, or in colonial era trains throughout Kenya to Uganda, Zaire, Tanzania, and Malawi, with a quick side trip to Egypt, Greece & Turkey.  It was an awakening to say the least and it was one of the best years of my life.  I went back to Africa to do my Master’s research on sustainable agriculture with women farmers in Western Kenya.  But since then, I have drifted in another direction to other passions and duties — raising children, teaching, and now moving to S.E. Asia.  But after reading this article and piecing together the chunks of thoughts and ideas I’ve been wrestling with for weeks, I realized that I could actually do something for this cause and shift back to where my heart has always been.  I felt a sudden, steadfast “flow” of happiness beginning to buoy my spirits.

So, here’s what I have (finally) decided to do at the threshold of my 40th birthday and what I will write about from here on out:  I will run a 40 mile course solo, or hopefully with my fabulous running partner, Lisa, (who you can read about here and here ) while I’m in the US in July with the aim to sponsor at least 40 women in the Congo.  Till then, I will do my utmost to raise funds for this worthiest of causes (please stay tuned for ways to donate/lend your support through me).  I would also like to organize a run for women here in Singapore whereby each participant would raise enough money to sponsor at least one Congolese woman for one year (approx USD$325) as their entry fee for the run.

When I told Bobby my idea over yummy Caprese salad at a nearby Italian/Brazilian restaurant (don’t ask), he immediately started looking for a hook…something to get women here, who may not be as passionate about Africa as I am, interested and involved.  Over the past decade, Bobby has become known for his fundraising prowess, in particular, for the almost $1 million he has raised for Challenged Athletes Foundation (see www.ponyexpressrun.com).  So, needless to say, I was all ears when he started chiming in.  To celebrate our efforts, he thought it would be fun if the participants’ husbands/partners/significant others were to cook us a meal and serve it to us on the evening of our run for Congo women.  I very much like this idea.  And I’m looking forward to hearing more fundraising ideas from friends and family! Let me know if you have ‘em!

So, for now, that is it.  I’m excited to get this ball rolling!

After our chat, my friend and I felt the need for some retail therapy in Little India.  This is one of my favorite places in Singapore and it’s where I go to recharge.  The sounds of everyday celebrations and squabbles, the pungent scent of turmeric and cumin, the leathery old men sitting outside the stores imploring “Yes Mahdahm, come and have a look!”  and the riot of colorful fabrics and bejeweled saris hanging from doorways never fail to revive me.  It’s not a bad place to go to be inspired to create either.  Namaste.

As I was running/flying, I thought about my virtue for the week.  This is actually the last virtue on my list of 10 and it’s the one that I find hardest to get a good grip on:  creativity.  I realized the notion of being a “creative” person, makes me nervous.  In the past, my creative outlet was always dancing (ballet and modern dance).  But I haven’t been to a dance class in maybe 2 decades (!!)  However, since I’ve been in Singapore, I’ve become aware that running is a form of expression for me, especially when I run with a camera.  It’s a way to document perspectives and capture thoughts and feelings while moving through space.  I also came to an understanding today that for me, creativity is about taking risks and facing my own vulnerabilities with compassion and openness.  This is the interesting place that this virtue seems to be leading me.  But for this to occur, I need a fully rested mind and body.  So it’s off to bed for me!

Otherwise, it has been really good to conjure more balance in my life.  I am excited by a lot of mind/body/spirit extending possibilities for the next couple of months.  March is my birthday month and it looks like that might include a retreat of some sort, either solo or with a good friend, in Sri Lanka (where I have wanted to go forever!) as well as a family elephant trekking adventure in Northern Thailand.  Those who know me well, know of my elephant adoration.  When I was pregnant with Saylor, Bobby and I went on a “babymoon” cycling trip around the Golden Triangle region of N. Thailand and for the first time, I rode astride an elephant’s neck, fed bunches of bananas and sticks of sugar cane to them and generally marveled at their beauty, strength and grace.  Since then, we have talked about going back and spending more time with elephants but now that we’re here, in their very backyard, it would be rude not to really!  And to be able to bring the kids and let them take care of their very own (young) elephants for a couple of days?  Somebody pinch me.

Continuing to have these kinds of mini adventures and allowing them to teach and show me (and my kids) new ways of being and understanding is critically important to me.  I want also to anchor myself with work and projects that are satisfying and worthwhile to everyone involved.  This is where I am in a bit of a rut.   So, although the week may be over, I’m confident that balance will be in bold, highlighted and underlined on my list of “things to strive for” for quite some time.

Balance, according to my own personally tweaked definition, is about “filling my days with varied and productive activities that allow me to get things checked off my list and also allow me to explore new avenues as well as make the most of kid and family time.”  So reflecting on that goal, I think I have done quite well so far…at least with the last part.  This is the last week of school holidays and B is off in Oz, so the scale has necessarily been weighted toward kid activities…which, with the notable exception of sitting through Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 (oh yes, there is a sequel), have been super fun and have served to inform and enrich my growth in unexpected ways.  For the past two days, we’ve had early-ish activities planned, so  I haven’t been running.  Instead, I have slotted time in the morning to stretch, meditate and do core exercises and have so enjoyed it that I intend to make it part of my daily routine, whether or not a run is planned.

Lately too, I have felt a keen urge to start back up with yoga.  I have taken classes in the past, and especially love combining yoga and running.  For me, doing both as part of a daily practice creates a delicious balance.  I like having to focus on technique and alignment to get the ultimate benefit from a pose and then with running not having to think about any of that at all and just let the cadence of my stride carry me where it will.

Tonight I did do a little professional research online and I am reading more about Greg Mortenson’s work in Pakistan and Afghanistan which is inspiring, no matter what you’re trying to achieve.  So as the week develops, I look forward to what these sorts of activities might bring in terms of evening out the scales a bit.